Jan 14, 2010
When Reality Surprises You
September 21, 2009
Even though what I am about to write about is directed towards the expectations of pregnancy and childbirth, the thought behind it can be applied to any life event or situation. So for example …
I recently had a couple come to me for childbirth education. I showed them the movies, talked about labor, ways to manage it, etc. And at the last class I should have said something like this - a disclaimer: Warning: What you learn will not be the reality you experience.
When this expectant mother went into labor, she wasn’t overly concerned, because she kept expecting something else to happen. She had some mild cramping and drove to work. Worked for a while. Decided to go home. Called the doctor. Drove to the doctor’s office. Always feeling fine with some mild managable cramping. This took most of the day – her driving herself around in her car. Her cervix had dialated to 5 cms (active labor) and she was told to go to the hospital. By the time she got there she had dialted more and 2 hours later delivered a healthy baby boy. Her labor was done mostly driving around wondering if she was indeed in labor or not. No epidural.
What gets me though is her comment to me when she was telling me her story, “I guess your class helped me .. the breathing helped, but it wasn’t like you told me it would be.”
Of course not! Usually what you think and what happens are almost always two different experiences. Learning in general is a process, a digested amount of brain information that is twisted, reorganized to suit the learners level of understanding and the ability to apply concepts to an actual situation.
Like any life event – a marriage, a divorce, a funeral, anything that is planned and anticipated- the outcome is never a mirror experience of the idea. Simply because reality is what it is and can never be guessed.
The very best I can do is wake in the morning and believe I am going to have a great day. My attitude has everything to do with it. But, do I know my dog will get loose and run the neighborhood? No. Will I know my dentist appointment will be longer than I thought? No. Will I know how I will react to an experience, a physical sensation before it happens – even when I think I know? No.
What we think will happen is an illusion.
So when my client, possiblyimagined in her mind that her labor would be worse than it was in reality, she was surprised.
Lesly 
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